I’ve still got to change some bits but here it is:
Incestual Intentions
The beginning
I think she is so beautiful: my big sister.
Her curves are amazing, I will admit it.
Allowing in the unallowed; don’t stop: It’s
Fatal attraction. The feeling is strong-
Mutual. In my head rests something not unknown. Her.
In my mind I am lost like Romeo is
without Juliet; my blood pulsating through her body.
There’s unnecessary whispers surrounding us.
I don’t get why they say that it’s a problem,
I wake up to deeply inhale her perfume
Every day; she overwhelms my senses.
My hands have their own stickiness unlike Julie’s
Whose are soft, covered in her special oil.
It should bother nobody but us, why do you all care?
Our mere attraction to each other is harmless,
Black, white we were two bodies in the same beat.
People heard Julie speak but we heard nothing,
Their anger pretends to help like light; scream
they do not know how muted they appear now.
They think it will stop us, but they are so wrong,
Insignificant actions push us further together.
I know how it feels to cry in the middle of
the night. We need to escape this darkness quick.
We cannot see through this black; it angers me.
How they tell us we are wrong? They don’t know
what we feel. I watch her lay in the sun gleaming
and spreading cream all over curves of her back;
warmth overcomes- I watch myself as if I was mum.
I know everyone dies but not everyone lives.
I was living; living like we should. Happy.
Now I am weighed down like all things to the earth,
It’s not comfortable being apart.
This bitter taste of resentment sours on my tongue.
Peach stone on my tip- weightlessness shuddering.
Sticky dreams of before, I lay alone: without Julie.
Intervention.
I slouch with my hands in my lap, chilling metal
Touching my bare skin, straps tightly round my wrists.
Feet bound to legs, the floor metallic- unclean.
I lick my lips; dry and sore, my breath old.
Angry, delirious I begin to struggle.
Warmth, blood trickles out from under my restraints.
Figures move, shadows dark, mind surrounded by metallic…
Waking brought clinical scents to my senses, now
A combination of rust, sweat and dried blood
engulfs me. Crusty and dirty- where am I?
Where is my Julie? How I just want to
smell her rich perfume again not unknown stenches.
Still with my blurred vision, I cannot make out…
Coffee and cigarette smoke is stronger. Someone’s coming.
I play dead. I don’t want another shot to the
neck. Head bowed, I listen to white coats mumble.
It’s so hard though, there’s a constant droning from
a weird machine behind me. Sparky spark.
They fly past and land on the dirty floor. Sizzle.
Gone. In the distance I hear more voices now.
Boy. Jack. Can’t. Sister. Help. Young. Parents. Chair. Weird. He’s a freak.
I see bleached coats disappearing. I’m alone.
Raising my head, my neck aches; my jaw and the
sight of old food causes my stomach to groan.
There are no windows. Darkness in corners.
A straight jacket on the floor; bloody near my clothes.
Turning my neck to look behind- surprise, fear.
Electricity. Volts. Death. Attached to my chair. I know.
It is far too late for these white coats to change me.
I like who I am- this won’t take feelings away.
Hatred fills my mouth. I scream, cry. It tastes bad.
This is cruel roaring furiously
At the inhuman interveners that are
Advancing into the room. I screech “You can’t…”
But the taste of splintered wood on my tongue stops me. It’s time.
SESSION 1
Fall back, facing the ceiling,
Eyes wandering, surveying the murky room.
Binds tightened, people emerge and I tremble.
Three, two, one. BANG. CRASH. WHALLOP. Life’s no game.
No more. Intense… Surging through my head pounding.
Sparky spark, sparky spark, lights dim. He stands dripping.
Bucket, water… NO. Paralysed, no feeling. He’s gone.
I lay convulsing uncontrollably, blood drips-
Nails pinched my palms, a man asks, “Why are you wrong?”
My mind frazzled for the first time- logic lost.
I fall back, facing the ceiling once more.
I scream. Sizzle. Sizzle. Drip. Drip, I hear water.
A man… shadowy- “Fix it Jack, quick… fix it”
Back arched, fingers bent, twisted like my mind. Unbearable.
It stops once more, limbs twitch and burnt wood fills my lungs.
The question “Why are you wrong?” is repeated.
Words fail me, grunting forms my lost argument.
Head thuds, blood rushing, vomit surging, grubby hair sizzles.
Tears stream down my pained cheeks, the salty water
On my tongue. Water. “Drip drippety drip, fix it up quick.”
I know what’s coming. Clenching my jaw I shudder,
“Why are you wrong? You filthy, unnatural boy.”
I hear repeated, again and again. Quiet,
They wait for an answer. My mind exhausted,
I don’t understand, eyes tearing, I laugh.
Hello ceiling, I notice how battered you are.
With the flick of the switch, the machine hisses.
The convulsion, the man, the bucket, not water “Fix it up quick Jack,”crackling, twitching… Gone.
I am tired. My body fails me. Where’s my mum?
“Dead and buried under cement… sick bastard.”
Suddenly, my body is weighed down with guilt.
I want to be sucked into a dark black hole.
I’m flipped, hello ceiling how neglected you are.
The bucket is back, cement drips over the edge,
Sinister man stands, smirking. I ignore the pain, only one thought… I scream “I’m sorry mum!”
SESSION 2
“We’re getting somewhere.” The white coated figure says.
Getting where? For what? Why? I can’t. Not this again!
“Again!” I try to scream. I face the ceiling.
The blood rushes to my head. Horrendous.
My brain is pulsating like how I know it feels.
The figure appears, sinister smirk, pointing to
the cement. I try to banish the image.
My eyes are drawn to the bucket on the floor. A finger, a finger thrusts out the top…. Panicked. MUM!
Remember her smell. My eyes scan the room. Bucket.
Concrete everywhere. See no figures. Darkness,
My head an inner of black mirrors. Fuzzy,
Stiffened but wide open at the same time.
My mind flees back and forth to that time with Julie.
I want it. Again and again and again,
Like air to my gestures all at once, that feeling. Julie, come for me! I don’t care! My Julie.
My perspective is weakened, its worth is lost.
Millions of utterances running through,
I subsist without solitude in a scope,
The convulsions continue, pray don’t stop.
I am guilty for what I done, my precious mum.
Blood drains out like water, my reason with it.
Sizzle. Spit. Sputter. I see … “Drip, drip, Jack, dripety drip…” The same one; time and time again. Mum.
Greetings ceiling, oh how I’ve missed you. Funny.
You must employ a caretaker to see those.
He must be skulking up with her hatful of
Trifling reprises, only to be hated.
Hated for his bucket….Mum? Is that you? Flick switch.
I can’t stand this. Gooey… “Drip drip, Jack…” Gone
Going crazy, messages streaming, muscles jolting, hearing unversed sounds. Cracking. Hurt.
Nightlong, howling like a wolf in search for damaged
Instruments. I see no reason for my being,
My mind can’t even stop it. Flowers. Suncream. Bronzing…
Mumbled voices, I can’t tell where they are. Caretaker, is that you? Mum, are you there? I’m lost.
I hear birds. No cars.
Do I? Eyeballs roll back inside my head: fitting frenzy.
I like not washing.
SESSION 3
Ceiling. The space is a chart of cheerful chirps now.
And everywhere people.
“Words words words” again and again.
What do they want from me? I am a real boy.
Hands sticky but blood.
Julie?
Laughing at the caretaker with all his jobs. And his bucket. What a loser.
My forehead is bumpy like the cement we used. Weird.
I love my sister, Julie. Do you know her?
Why are you… Bam! My teeth are well clenched. Bugs Bunny.
Ha ha. I just shit myself. How stupid.
Not that I care. I’m a boy.
Julie might care and what about mum and the caretaker?
Revelations of embarrassments fill my mind–the filthy days. How heavenly.
Faces not ceiling,
White not black
Sizzle not pop. Ha-ha that was hilarious.
I like rice crispies, but not the real ones.
Our garden was rubbish. Dad, who was dad?
Frog.
I’m tired. And my chest aches.
Film stars are cool.
My eyes keep rolling and it well hurts my head.
I see a sign.
‘High Voltage.’ Just reminds me of that song…
Caretaker, be careful, don’t get water on it,
On the relentless heat. Whirlwind. Sudden rush… pain engulfs my chest. Last inhaled breath…
I always wanted a cat. Exhale.
Ending
Hello High Voltage.
And you ask me why I’m in a band…
I dig doin’ one night stands.
Ha. Flip switch.
Do you like one night stands, Caretaker.
What about you, ceiling?
Mum?
I always liked ACDC.
That bass. Sound.
Flip the…
Switch, like that guy.
Caretaker. He’s the one
Wassup?
Flip the switch, Caretaker!
Pull up a chair
And stare
Like a hare.
Solo.
Drip drip drip.
Bamm!
And you see me doin’ my thing,
With Julie.
All you gotta do is plug me into high,
I said high.
Never did pot.
Saucepan.
Ketchup.
I
Am
Wrong.
Wrong.
Wrong.
But,
Why?
ChloePynen 